Just say no.May 04, 2023
How many times do you find yourself saying ‘yes’ to things and then later regretting it?
How many times do you offer yourself out to others without considering your other commitments and personal needs?
How much energy do you waste wishing you had said no?
How much energy do you waste worrying about what people will think of you if you do say no?
If you find it difficult to say no or give too much of your time away to others, then keep reading!
We say yes because we feel like:
- It would be rude not to
- Fear of missing out or not being asked again
- We feel obliged
- Fear of being judged
- Fear of being rejected
The irony is that when you say yes to something that does not feel right, you end up losing your sense of self. You may feel resentful and negative towards the person or situation and waste energy being in that low vibrational state. People pleasing can make you behave in a way that isn't the essence of who you are and what you value. If you say yes all the time to the people and things that don't click, or you just don't have the time for, you run the risk of letting people down at the last minute or going against your values.
If you want to free yourself from impulsively saying yes to things when you really mean no, then take the time on these journalling questions so the next time, you can create some distance before you launch in and commit!
Write down the things you would like to say no to (past or present)
Write down what you will gain by saying no:
E.g. I will get to spend more time with my dog, I will wake up with a clear head, I will be able to spend more time with my family etc.
Write down the thoughts and feelings that come up for you at the thought of saying no:
Are these thoughts true?
E.g. if you think ‘Jane won’t invite me to the next event if I don’t say yes to this one’ ask yourself if it is true. Challenge your beliefs around you saying no.
How can you reframe these thoughts and feelings to turn them into a positive?
When saying no avoid saying sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for!
Be polite and offer an alternative if you feel it is appropriate.
Put a full stop at the end.
We have all encountered times when someone gives a thousand excuses as to why they cannot come. People don’t need to know that your pet needs to go to the vet then you have your aunties washing to do before cutting across town to make your hair appointment. Keep it short. ‘I can’t come, but I would love to catch up with you one to one some other time. FULL STOP
Write down a power statement that you can practice and use when someone asks something that you want to say no to:
E.g. Thank you for the offer, I can’t come on Friday night, but I’ll look forward to seeing you for a catch-up soon.
By saying no to things that don’t light you up, you are saying a big YES to yourself.
Spending time writing down the reasons saying no to others and yes to yourself is beneficial. Ask yourself what opportunities will you have if you say no to most things? How much energy will you gain?